I have tried SO HARD to do the right thing.
I ALWAYS had to do it perfectly. (At least, what I thought was perfect)
BUT, it turns out, things STILL got messed up.
And I STILL made mistakes.
In fact, some mistakes I made because I was trying so hard NOT to make mistakes.
And then sometimes it just BLOWS UP in your face.
And I wanted to be the victim like "Why did this happen??? I tried so hard to do this or to do that."
BUT after I stopped feeling sorry for myself ...
I realized that it was simply a SIGN that things weren't working.
It was in invitation to look at what was going on and really acknowledge that, even though you are working hard, things didn't work out the way you thought they would or the way you wanted them to. OR maybe you were working hard on one thing, you didn't realize something else wasn't getting attention.
AND THATS OK.
It's meant to show you what isn't working. NOT how not a good enough job you are doing. Which is what my mind wanted to make that mean. How funny, huh?
In the beginning, when you're triggered, it feels like shit.
BUT if you can feel through the grief and get to the other side,
you will feel an opening up of SPACE ... to explore the situation with CURIOSITY
... and not what we made it mean.
We are all learning and its ok to mess up.
Keep trying. Keep doing. Mess up. Learn. And then, DO IT AGAIN.
Eventually, you wont mess up. And you will simply be DOING.
I think the other take away for me is to LET GO of doing things perfectly.
Doing the RIGHT THING.
Because there is no RIGHT WAY of doing things.
Its time to LET GO.
