FREE

 For the first time ever, I feel FREE. 

I know that sounds crazy. But its true. 

Free from all the reasons why I can't do XYZ. 

Free from why I have to do this or that. 

Free from the limitations of the mind. 

FREE to choose. 

It's so crazy and amazing. 

Even though I am no NEO, I feel as if it's a step out the door. I can see the vast landscape. I look behind me and see the small container I used to live in. It used to feel safe, but it was a prison. I see now, there is so much more to the world than what I used to see. 

But NOW, I AM FREE. 

Walking through the door

So I told myself I would write a blog post everyday to get myself to write, not be stopped, figure out myself and my writing style.

...

AND of course, right away, I thought "I'm tired, and I'm a little tense from laying in bed with the kids, I'll start tomorrow."

...

(Um, yea, I think we can ALL call that a LOAD. OF. SHIT.)

I laid down in bed ready to sleep and thought, "You said you would do it everyday; NOW is the time to start ... what are you waiting for??? THIS is it, THIS is the time to do it. Because there will ALWAYS be a reason not to do it." 

SO, I got up, and got my laptop and started to write this. 

Yay! I overcame step one. And it feels pretty good. 

*SMILES*

It feels good to finally take action. 

Its like standing in front of a door wondering what it looks like on the other side. Wondering if I will need clothes for hot weather, warm weather or cold weather. If I will need a swimsuit, or snow shoes. What if its hot during the day and cold at night? Will I have enough food to eat? What language do they speak? Do I need an umbrella? 

At first, SOME planning is good, but if you continue to try to plan for every scenario, you won't EVER get moving. 

At some point, you just got to WALK THROUGH THE DOOR. 

The natural process we want to be in is: Plan, take action, plan, take action, plan, and then, take action. But if we get stuck for too long in the planning or the action, it can become harmful. The energy needs to FLOW. 

I have spent a LONG time in the phase of learning, researching, seeking, and receiving information.

It is SO EASY to constantly BE in a state of consumption of information with access to the internet and social media. 

I know for me, if I am NOT conscious of how often I look at my phone, how long, or even why I'm looking at it, I will find myself getting caught up in a post, video or article. And its not just one. I will look at another, and another, AND another, AND ANOTHER. It could go on for a long time without some self control. 

It is important to allow ourselves SPACE to actually DIGEST and PROCESS. 

To give ourselves SPACE to BE. 

That feels nice. 

When I allow myself to BE, I feel connected to myself. 

I feel happy and I feel whole. 

It's a wonderful place to be. 

CONSUME

REST

DIGEST

ACTION

And NOW its time for ACTION.

About Me

I am a mother to two beautiful children that I homeschool. I am passionate about living my life purposefully. My whole life I have been drawn toward any way I can achieve self-growth. I have been studying life and myself for 38 years and I am proud of all the growth I have achieved and I know I have so much more to do (as if there is an end!).

AND with all my growth, I struggle. And not that somehow, after all that learning and growing, we don't ever struggle again - as if we graduate from ever being challenged. I am still learning not to be so hard on myself, which is probably the lesson I am learning.

I still feel myself overthinking this post. I am getting tired *yawn* 1am. But its so nice to sit quietly on the couch typing on my laptop in peace. I love my children AND I need my quiet time, my alone time, my space - just me in silence. ahhhhhhh. There goes my brain "I need to meditate more, do some yoga ..."

SO, dancing heart drum. so yea, I'm a modern hippie, I eat organic food, I use essential oils, I clean my house with vinegar, peroxide and baking soda. I like to meditate, do yoga, and think of spirituality as understanding myself and studying myself and humanity and not as a religion. I love my children so deeply and my choice to homeschool them is so that they grow up not feeling ashamed of who they are and that they feel empowered to move through life fluidly; following their hearts and souls without or very little doubt that is their choices are perfect for them.

For me, it has been challenging to overcome low self-esteem and feeling powerless to make my own choices for MY own life. Waiting for someone to give me permission or tell me what to do. For so long I did that. And for so long I didn't even realize how hard it was for me until one day someone said, you choose. Crazy as it sounds it was so hard. But slowly, I learned to make choices on my own without feeling as if I needed approval.

I have healed myself and I am still working on healing some more. It takes time as my impatient self has learned. Expand and contract. Expand and contract.

My hope is that life will flow a little better for my children. They will have their own learning, yes, but listening to their hearts will be as natural as breathing. Perhaps.

I have benefited from the love and sharing from so many people whether it was in person or on the internet. I am so grateful for all the information out in the world - so many times I found someone who felt the same as me or articulated an idea that I had in my mind. It was wonderful and validating and helped me feel not so alone. Thank you for allowing the space for others to share.

I hope to be that benefit to someone, anyone - and if not, at least for me. As I feel I have so much to say. This process is part of my fulfillment.

So to anyone out there reading. Thank you.